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Just prior to celebrating one of the BIG birthdays I did some soul searching and admitted that I had been approaching dating from the wrong perspective.
I had always tried to entice and seduce men, using my physical appearance and feminine wiles (which I believed to be all that I had to offer a man), until I recognized the hazardous pattern of deception I was weaving.
We all mimic our formative life experiences when interacting with others, until we realize that using those experiences as a non-negotiable roadmap for life must eventually give way to a more adaptive and reactive style of engagement.
When looking for a mate, being one's self is not going to guarantee landing "the prize", but if you feel good about yourself, the odds of attracting a suitable partner get much better.
Needless to say, my past relationships were never quite right.
In my experience treating couples and individuals, many hope that if they "play the game" correctly, their prince or princess will be the prize.
and Claude Steiner's Scripts People Live might be a good place to start for anyone interested.
In a nutshell, in TA scripts are different than you've got them -- they result from longterm persistent low level programming by the parent of the opposite sex. (This model goes back to before the disintegration of the two-parent family began.) So a mother will tend to script a son to be like his maternal grandfather, possibly emphasizing his good qualities and excising his bad ones, depending on the mother's relationship with her father and her adult perspective.
I can sense that others are more comfortable in my presence as well and that too is deeply rewarding.
I can finally see how much I DO have to offer to a partner and look so very forward to a mutually satisfying relationship. I am single, yet learning about how to be comfortable in my own skin so when I am confident enough to venture back out into the dating world, I will attract someone who is seeing the real me and not some type of illusion I'm trying to hide behind.
This is quite different from "role model" concepts of early development which emphasize the same-sex parent. One implication for men is that they should choose woman as mothers whose father they like, because their sons are going to resemble him in a lot of ways.